Worth Reading

If just for the comments...

As much as I love her, sometimes the 90th game of 'Mommy builds a tower of blocks and Ramona knocks it down' gets old. And really, Peek a Boo is way more entertaining for the person genuinely surprised that their Mom is under that blanket every time.

Spaghetti Monster

Friday night we were low on groceries, so I made spaghetti for dinner for Ramona. I let her feed herself and it ended about as expected. She certainly had fun, though.
She also learned how to drink her bottle with one hand and thinks she's so super cool when she does it.

Yesterday we went to Pahrump and ate at this new Japanese Steakhouse they put in. It was beautifully decorated and surprisingly busy. Joe got sushi and I got Salmon teriyaki. There is a hibachi side of the restaurant but we didn't go since we had Ramona with us and I don't trust her in that situation at all. It was good, though. We also went grocery shopping. Today Joe is at work and I cleaned up the house. Ramona is taking a nap and I'm job hunting. Another lazy weekend, but at least I got to spend time with my two favorite people.

On the learning front, Ramona has been figuring out how to get off the bed. She has deduced that she needs to turn around and get down feet first, but doesn't quite have the coordination to pull it off solo yet. Her object permanence knowledge is getting better, too. She usually unmasks me when playing peek a boo, and yesterday Joe said she crawled over and pounded on the bathroom door when I was taking my shower. He was pretty sure it was the first time that she realized that I was in there.

Regarding the last post, we're thinking about moving in with Joe's parents in December so we can be home for Christmas. Nothing definite or solidly planned yet, but we've been talking about it. We'll see how things are going over the next couple of months.

Soul Balloon

A few days ago I wrote Joe an email where I said that my job makes me feel like my soul is slowly leaking out. Very slowly, like there’s a pin prick in my consciousness, so it’s taking a very long time but it will eventually reach a point where it’s empty. I was definitely being dramatic, but I started wondering how much of it was hyperbolic and how close it was to how I really feel.

The reality is that it’s not just my job. A lot of it is living here and being far away and not having many people around who affect me in a positive way. I thought about me and was saddened to realize that I don’t really like who I am right now in a lot of ways, and the most depressing realization was that I’m starting to feel like everything I do is just trying to find ways to waste time until I die. (How’s that for dramatic?) Like, the way my job is really boring and a lot of times there’s nothing to do so I just read boring crap I don’t even care about on the internet to waste time until I can go home? That’s the same way I’m living my life. Just continuing on doing boring crap I don’t care about until I get to die and be done with it, which is pretty depressing for a 26 year old (obviously).

So (once again obviously) something needs to change. But I’m very apprehensive about it. Change can be scary. I’m worried about a lot of things, but the biggest worry is, “What if I make the change and regret it?” What if, as crappy as things seem to be now, they will seem not so bad in retrospect? I think everything always seems better in retrospect, so that will obviously happen (time and age color things differently) but what if things are way worse afterwards? Am I just being greedy by wanting more out of my life? I know I’m lucky in a lot of ways. I make pretty good money doing something that’s not horribly challenging so I can live a secure middle-class lifestyle. It sounds good, and I know it is good, but I’m not happy.

I am happy in spurts and in various parts of my life. I love Joe and I love Ramona. They are so important to me and make me feel like a worthwhile person. But I am just not happy overall. I’m unsatisfied with how life is going right now. I need something else. I’m just worried that I’m going to take myself out of a not so great, not so bad situation and end up in a really bad situation.

But when I think of it optimistically, or even logically, changing things can’t really end too badly. The scariest plan is to move without having jobs. Meaning, moving to the Midwest where jobs are scarce and we have been unable to procure jobs thus far. But I think a big part of the reason we haven’t procured jobs is the distance. (Actually I know it is because I’ve had several phone interviews that went from awesome to ‘you live where and need how long to get here?’ pretty fast.) But the idea of not having a job, even with the fat cash we have in savings, and even knowing that we wouldn’t have to pay any bills but the car payment and insurance because we’d be staying with Joe’s parents, is a scary idea, especially factoring in the whole crappy economy job situation side of things. And even then I wouldn’t worry about it except that we have a child. That really scares me. But I think we can get crappy jobs while we look for good jobs. I think good things can happen. And I know I can’t keep going on this way much longer.

For now, I’ll just keep applying for jobs and hoping something happens and I can forget all these worries. But it’s apparent that we need to make a change one way or the other and preferably sometime before my soul is completely drained.

Back in the saddle

So we took July off of weight loss since we were traveling and we took most of August off since, uh, we never started doing it again. So this week is transfer back to super healthy mode. But I did pretty well at actually maintaining my weight and not gaining a bunch during the past couple months, so I'm happy about that.

I also am going to start running again so I can do a half marathon next year and get one of those five year goals out of the way. So I'm starting the Couch to 5k program next week. It's cool enough in the morning now that I think I should be able to run outside, and if I have to do the treadmill I can do that. Also, Ramona has been sleeping well enough that I think I should be able to get enough sleep and still get up early to run. We'll see how it goes! I'll definitely post about it so everyone can harass me if I don't do it.

Not too much else to report except Ramona figured out how to clap correctly last night. It is very cute and I will try to get a video soon. I also need to get a peek a boo video while she still thinks that's funny. She's been super clingy to me lately, which I'm enjoying. I love cuddling before bed when she's in her pajamas and I especially love when she decides to get up in the morning and she first makes eye contact with me and her face breaks out in a huge grin. Sometimes I get teary eyed out of nowhere when I look at her because I love her so much. Sorry, I'm lame! I have been extra emotional lately. I'm not sure what it is.

The difference between boys and girls

I buy Ramona stuff from the boys' section of the store, especially pajamas. Like, why can't a girl wear something with dinosaurs or frogs or monkeys on it, right? So last night Joe was kind enough to give Ramona her bath and get her dressed for bed which was a big deal because he NEVER does that. Like I think he's given her a bath maybe five times in her life. I always do it. Anyway, he put her in her frog jammies and said, "Am I crazy or are the snaps on these all backwards? Like they're the opposite of all the other clothes." And I said, "Yeah, those are boy pajamas." He gave me a blank stare. "Boy clothes all zip, button, and snap the opposite of girls." Blank stare. "For adults, too." He had no idea. Sometimes it amazes me the things he doesn't know.

We had a pretty great weekend though. It was a completely lazy do nothing weekend. Saturday morning Ramona tried to give me a heart attack by face planting off the bed directly onto the floor. She has an injury on her nose but was otherwise fine even though I was sure she had broke her neck. I was in the bathroom and left her on the bed with Joe and I looked over and saw her land face first on the ground. It was pretty scary. (And in Joe's defense, he was sleeping, but when he puts Ramona on me when I'm sleeping I still make sure she doesn't fall off the bed!)

Nose boo boo and the mysteriously snapped frog pajamas

After we deduced she was fine and she calmed down I took her to the pool and we splashed around and had fun. The rest of Saturday was hanging out, taking naps, and eating pizza rolls. Ramona also ate bacon for the first time, so Joe was excited about that. Sunday was more of the same, only with more job applying on my end. We had fun but did nothing. Sometimes it's just nice to enjoy each others' company.

Ramona has been in a much better mood lately. Her eighth tooth finally broke through a little over a week ago, so she's on a teething break which has let her sleep a lot better and just be in a better mood over all. She's also settled on an 8:30 bed time, which I like because it gives us some consistency. She's been very independent lately except before bed and nap time, which is when she wants to cuddle the most. And she's been eating really well. Tonight I gave her cheese, crackers, and broccoli for dinner and she ate all of it. I've been trying to give her more balanced meals instead of just a bunch of one food, which is what I was doing before. As of now she eats pretty much everything and isn't picky at all. I'm hoping she keeps that up as she gets older.

She likes to stand, either on her own in the middle of the room or holding on to something, and she'll walk around holding onto the furniture, but she won't walk holding onto our hands. I'm thinking she might skip that altogether because she doesn't seem interested in it at all. But she has been thinking about trying some steps. She attempted one step yesterday for the first time and fell right over, but I can see the wheels turning in her mind when she's standing there and wants to go somewhere else. She considers walking but then banishes the thought and crumples onto the ground and crawls instead. I'm fine with that. It's exciting to think of her walking, but I'm enjoying the crawling stage. It seems less dangerous.

I just don't know what to do with myself

Wow, Ramona went to bed super early tonight. She took an early nap, which usually means that she won't go to bed early, but will just be extra whiny the hour before bed. But after bathtime she was snuggled on my lap, having a bottle, watching Yo Gabba Gabba, when the super music friends show came on and she started hysterically sobbing out of nowhere. There was still another forty-five minutes until bedtime but it was apparent that she was just exhausted, so I put her to bed and she was asleep within two minutes. So now I have Friday evening all to myself and nothing to do. Joe's parents left us a bottle of wine when they visited so I opened that and am having a glass. It's St. Michelle's, which Joe's mom always buys because her name is Michelle and she likes to joke about how she's a saint already. I guess they left it because they needed to make room for all the Pahrump Winery wine they bought when they were visiting. But as I said earlier, I'm not a big wine drinker so it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out how to open the bottle. I didn't understand how to take the foil part off. I also don't think I use the cork opener thing correctly. Oh, well. I'm classy, what are you gonna do about it?

Tomorrow Ramona will be ten months old. This week has been pretty cool developmentally. I feel like she's interacting with us more. Before it seemed more like we were just reacting to one another. But she looks me directly in the eye now and motions when she wants out of the tub or crib or jumperoo or just wants picked up or put on the couch or bed or whatever. She takes so much pride in figuring out new things. I love the big grin she gets when she learns something new and she'll look at me to see if I saw her do it. It reminds me of being little and coming home from school and telling my mom about what I learned that day all excitedly. I hope she loves school and learning and reading as much as I did growing up.

Tonight she figured out she can make noise with her blocks. We were goofing around on the floor and I put a couple of her blocks on my face and she crawled over and took them off, one in each hand. She is just figuring out clapping so she made a clapping motion and hit the two blocks together. She got a huge grin on her face and then looked at me and kept clapping the blocks together like "Hey, mom, did you know I can make my blocks be really loud and annoying?? Isn't this great?" She kept doing it all evening. It was really cute. I'm thinking about getting her one of those little kid music sets with a tambourine and maracas and cymbals. I'm sure it will be annoying but I think she'll get a real kick out of it. She has a rattle that she's been having a lot of fun with over the past two weeks, so making noise is what she's all about at the moment. I was also excited because she used her block clapping knowledge later to clap her bath toys together to make noise. She learned something and applied that knowledge to something else!!! I was pretty impressed.

Baby Pics!

Baby Joey

Plus Baby Meggie

Equals Baby Mony!