Thursday, September 27, 2012

I Think About My Husband Too Much

Well, Joe and I have been married for over a year now, which seems weird. It doesn't seem that long ago. I'm still finishing my recaps on weddingbee and I don't feel like an ass about it because it doesn't seem all that long ago. But, we have created another human being in that time, so I guess it should feel different. But adding Ruby to the mix hasn't changed things as drastically as I thought it would. It wasn't half as difficult as I imagined. She fits right in our family in a way that makes it feel funny that she wasn't there before.

Getting married didn't change things either. I mean, it did in a way, but not in a real way. We were already a family, and I don't feel different about that now. I'm still childishly in love with Joe the same way I have been for a long time that feels like my whole life even though I know it isn't. I miss him a lot. I miss him when I'm at work or he's at work. I want to be with him pretty much all the time. I never get tired of him. I do get annoyed by him sometimes. It's not that I never need my space. I just need that space to be adjacent to his space. I enjoy times without him. But the best times are with him. And that is the very childish part of our relationship-the longing to be together. We are messy and silly and spend too much time playing and making each other laugh.

There is a mature part of our relationship as well. We talk about serious things and don't play games with each other's feelings. There's so much trust and little to no jealousy. We want to help each other and support each other and do things we don't really want to in order to make the other's life a little bit happier. We sacrifice and reflect and apologize.

We work together. We are a team.

Is it any wonder that I want to be with him all the time then? It's funny because I don't think anyone knows how great we are together. We aren't one of those couples you look at and think, "Jeez, they are so happy, that is such a perfect couple. I want THAT relationship." But we are so lucky and so happy and it's almost more special that no one gets to see how perfectly we work together. We are like the little cogs of a machine that fit together perfectly. It doesn't seem that miraculous but it kind of is.

This is cheesy and sentimental, but that is what anniversaries are for. If every year of marriage is this simple and beautiful, the rest of our lives will be easy. I doubt it will always be this easy, but you know I'd like to think it will be. It's only the first anniversary; I retain the right to remain optimistic.