Tuesday, November 27, 2012

An Impatient Woman

I have a feeling the next year of my life will feel the longest. There are many things I want to happen that require patience and/or work.

I want a lot of things. I want to be DONE with my Master's degree. It is really killing me. It is so much work and I am pretty permanently unhappy about it. There was a time when I would think, "Oh I'm going to be so proud of myself when I finish! This is a million times harder than my undergrad, what with all the technical work and having kids." Now, I just think, "I want it to be over." I don't think I'll be proud of myself when I'm done, I will just be relieved it's over.

I've thought a lot about cutting down and only taking one class a semester instead of two to make myself less crazy and stressed out. But honestly, the idea of graduating in two years instead of one makes me want to kill myself. I want to be done, and dragging it out another year just doesn't feel like a real option.

We're also working on saving money and raising our credit scores so we can buy a house next year, which is equally unpleasant. I've budgeted us pretty tight until March at least to get the credit cards down to nothing and the savings up higher, so we don't have much fun money.

My job has been kind of frustrating lately. I feel like I need to throw some new energy into it and make it more exciting for myself. Just kind of make things happen instead of wait for them to happen. I need to focus and make it happen.

I feel like I don't get to spend enough time with Ruby. She goes to bed pretty soon after I get home from work. It makes me sad.

I still have 25 pounds of weight to lose from my pregnancy and I just don't have the energy to deal with it.

This post is kind of a bummer, but I've been kind of bummed out lately. Usually if I'm unhappy with my present situation, I'm scheming of a happier future one, but with things as they are right now, a happier future is probably a year away. It's hard to get excited for something that far in the future.

I just want to fast forward.