Friday, October 1, 2010

Being Lame

I've been being lame this week and not posting. Last week I was gone and didn't post much, this week I'm just dumb. I've been in a crazy mood swing way this week. I have been eating like it's my job. I don't know why. But I have been in the mood to stuff my face pretty much every day. And one day I'll be really excited about life and my plans and other days I just don't want to get out of bed. One day I wish I was a stay at home mom and will treasure every second through Mony, the next day I'll turn on Nick Jr and try to speed through to bed time by the force of sheer will. One day I'm sure that I need to make a change now to be happy because life is short and we only get one shot at it, and the next day I don't have the energy to make breakfast.

I also have only showered once this week, which, as this chart indicates is really good or really bad.
When I'm depressed I just want to sleep all the time, so I sleep instead of showering. When I'm super happy I just want to have fun and GO! and don't have time to shower. I would say I've been on the low end of the spectrum lately. I have been running low on optimism lately. I need to recharge somehow.

On a totally unrelated note, can you believe it's OCTOBER? Jeez, this year has flown. I'll be 27 on Wednesday. How am I getting so old? I think this getting old thing is part of the dissatisfaction reaching such heights. I keep thinking "You get one life and you're wasting literally years of it unhappily wasting away in a desert? Hello! Get out of here." But then I get all panicky and think "You need to keep your job that you don't like because you need money because you have a kid and you're a grown-up. Suck it up! Life sucks and then you die, duh, you know that!" It doesn't help that I keep getting job interviews that go nowhere. It sucks away any and all confidence I have. Apparently my personality is so terrible that a piece of paper boringly describing my professional experiences makes people want to hire me more than actually talking to me. And I hate doing interviews, so I basically keep doing something I can't stand for no reason because nothing ever comes of it. I hate the questions they ask. They're always so irrelevant to the job. My most hated question is, "Why do you think you're the best person for the job?" or its variant, "Why should I hire you?" What am I supposed to say to this? I think I'm too logical. I mean, to be honest, I seriously doubt I'm the best person in the entire world for the job. There is most likely someone else who could probably do it better out there. And I can't even really say that I'm the best person that even applied for it since I have no idea who else applied. So I prefer the second question. But even then, I never know what to say. I'm an excellent employee? Every job I've ever had has had a manager say I'm one of their best employees? I enjoy having a job I can take pride in? I am quick learner and love to figure out new things? I really want to move away and it would be really nice of you to make that happen?

Sorry, I know I'm being a whiner. I'm just so ready for something new. The thing is, I wouldn't mind settling down for real, in a place I'm happy at. I want a job that I intend to keep for years and a house that I can make a home. It makes living in this limbo even more uncomfortable for me.

The fish has ten teeth now. The teething is going obnoxiously, thanks for asking. She is sleeping terribly, but isn't too bad during the day. She's just extra clingy and very screechy/squealy. The other two molars feel like they're ready to pop through pretty quickly, so hopefully we'll get through this one quickly. I kind of like how she gets all four corresponding teeth right at the same time so we can get through it really fast, but that really fast two or three weeks of teething are super intense.

We don't have any real plans for the weekend. Joe is working, so we'll probably do family park/swimming stuff in the morning and Mommy and Mony walks, adventures, and pictures in the evening. Yay for weekends!

1 comment:

  1. I know you don't know me but I just wanted to say that I have been stuck in a rut myself a few times in my life. Once before I had a family of my own and once after. I think it's way better when you have your own family to love and to love you back. And things always get better eventually. :)

    I'm sure you know that already, though.

    My parents feel the same way about Pahrump. They are also very much ready for a change.